He Listens, He Cares

As salamualaykummm!! :D Okay, so it was just about 6 hours ago when I last posted here. I was in a sad, depressing, totally pessimistic mood. Pessimism? Yes. I keep becoming hopeless now and then and YES I know we are muslims!! Can't afford to be all frowning, we gotta be cheerful, happy, positive like a very happy bunny! :P And.... NO, I haven't had an overdose of sugar, It's too early in the morning for that, about 7 am? You see, last night after posting the post with an uplifting hadith.

Mr. Shaytan was able to mess around my mind too much and kept reminding me what a messed up case i was, so on and so forth. And man oh man, Did He make my heart go through SOME unrest. My gtalk was on that time, when I was on the laptop feeling all glum and sad. I have a contact with whom i have had a chat just ONCE (don't ask me why i keep such people in my list, they just are hehe) and this person is always online. So I noticed the status message of this person It was a name of a website.. have you heard of Tayyibaat? I did too, just a month ago!

So I see the word on his status and I go like 'hmm, long time I haven't checked out this website' because the last time I was checking it out there was a post on Allah SWT's name and attribute called Al-Lateef. And It WAS PLAIN AWESOMENESS. So I go there, noticed that they started 'Righteous Muslim Women Series' and I scroll down further to find a post titled '22 Ways Allah is Al Lateef'. I start reading it and It hit home. It provided such peace.. it is beyond the scope of mere adjectives. But it was not exactly at that moment that I felt peace, I could appreciate the ways with which He is Al-Lateef.

But What really hit me, was the fact that SubhanAllah, before actually turning towards Allah SWT I was trying to reach a friend, and cry it out. She was not there, I then shared my thoughts with Him and how I feel so bad about myself, Like I am a loser and stuff. So when I checked out that wonderful uplifting post on Tayyibaat, I knew it is Allah SWT who directed my attention towards the one word Tayyibaat, So I then checked the website again, found the post, felt uplifted. Don't trust my word? Really! I am tellin' you just share all your struggles with Allah SWT and He will make out ways of help for you which you may have Never Ever Imagined of.

P.s. If you don't know what I am talking about go on this website http://www.tayyibaat.com/

When I Can't Fall Asleep

There are many nights when even when I am done with everything and on my bed. Sleep seems to be chased away by the uncontrollable thoughts of my mistakes in the past. I try not to judge others because I am more keen of reminding myself of my shortcomings. It is 1:14 am, Thoughts of hopelessness and despair are occupying my mind right now.. Then again, how can I allow myself to be hopeless while asking the Most Merciful one? Salman al-Farsi narrated that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said : Indeed, Allah is Shy and Beneficent, He is Shy when His servant raises his hands to Him (in a duaa) to return them empty, disappointed! Ahmad, Abu Dawud #1488, at-Tirmidhi #3556, Ibn Majah #3865

Complaining Looks So Silly - Right NOW

''Ashish Nehra is a Great Bowler'' I beamed looking at the TV where an India vs South Africa was taking place yesterday. It is the ICC WorldCup Time and We, The Indians go total GAGA over it including myself. It was the 49th over of the 50 overs match.

''He cannot do well under pressure'' Mamu commented. I looked at him shocked.

''I've been seeing him since I was a child and He is great like a Rajdhani Express'' I defended.

I was very confident after 48th over when Zaheer Khan gave a really tough over and South Africa was not able to score so well. It was just a matter of another 6 balls and I was so sure India is the winner. Unfortunately, turns out Ashish Nehra was a great bowler just during my childhood or so it looked like.

South Africa took singles, How i hated looking at batsmen running back and forth between the wickets. The final blow came when they hit 1 boundary and it was where I started complaining about Nehra, I was surprised at how it took me just few runs to change my opinion about him from a great bowler to a really bad one. Eventually, South Africa won the game in a style that I like for India which is by scoring a boundary. India Lost and I was upset.

We were at the dinner table when I started complaining ''They have all taken money, They are just into endorsements these days! THIS is why I don't watch matches, I get too depressed when we lose''

And mind you, I was indeed very upset. It was as though somebody had taken my honor and given it to somebody else. While I was contemplating upon India's loss, my thoughts drifted to what else is happening around the world. It was you-can-say a defining moment for me because here I was complaining about the last over of the match while People around the world are suffering with Horrendous Tyrants as their Rulers, while people else where in the world are being afflicted by natural disasters, while people are searching for the dead bodies of their kids, mourning over lost houses, lost loved ones.

Complaining these days is really silly, petty, and crazy. If I can even think of my BIGGEST problem, compared to the things happening to people around the world, it is NOTHING! I would be a totally self-centred person dare I complain much now. (yes, I am human I cannot completelty abandon it, but I am trying)

Mistakes

I have made an extra ordinary amount of mistakes in my life without learning anything from them in most of the cases. I made some knowingly and some unknowingly and thats precisely the reason why when I see somebody I love make the same mistakes, I try to stop them. But, IF they do not wish to take my advice then I let them go ahead with it. Because sometimes, regret is the best teacher.

My regret lives with me everyday, every hour, everytime I bow down my head on a prayer mat. The series of my mistakes are before my eyes and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except ask and beg for forgiveness from the One who I have disobeyed.

Memories that make me Smile

I missed college so much after I finished it in March 2008. Many times I would wish that the graduation course should have been for 4 years instead of 3. Whilst during the college I would wonder to myself ''When will this all come to an end'' and not realizing that when it would come to an end it would hurt a lot.

During the final 3rd year of graduation, Afrah and I had spent a good amount of time together every day and not even weekends could separate us. It would be highly abnormal for both of us if we didn't meet for a couple of days and 3 days at a stretch. One time when we had holidays after our internal exams and it was about 3 days that Afrah and I hadn't seen each other. We lived pretty much nearby so generally I used to call her before going to her place and when i did this time she seemed excited about meeting and I think it was the first time i had heard her excitement for meeting ME.

After another 15-20 minutes when I arrived at her house, I started walking towards her area (well she had a big ancestral house wherein she was allotted an apartment sort of area which only belonged to her). Once I reacher to the door of her bedroom I knocked only to see Afrah immediately opening the bedroom door with a big smile on her face which made me wonder if she has something special going on which i am not aware of.

I had my bag slung on my shoulder and I was still wearing my abaya as I entered her room. She immediately closed it, turned around and gave me a hug while saying ''Man! I missed you so much''. As much happy as I was to receive that hug I was shocked because expecting these sort of cuddly things from Afrah Hameed is like expecting Adolf Hitler to talk about Peace and Love. Then, I started thinking to myself that maybe she was bored for 3 days and this hug is just the result of that boredom. So here was this hug and Here I was waiting for it to get over because it is generally the other way round, I hug afrah and she waits for me to leave her. I pat her back gently indicating ''This is long enough, I can't hold my breath for any longer'' but she was really determined to express how much she missed me through her hug. It finished, and I was awe-struck at what had happened. This, was Afrah Hameed the girl who would give me a killer look when i would previously even take a step ahead to hug before bidding goodbye.

Time had changed her I think. When she had to leave for Saudi to be with her family in the summer holidays after our 1st year's final exams. I remember I was sitting with her in the balcony of her first apartment. That was our favorite place to hang out at, The balcony was big enough to accommodate 2 chairs, it had a big curtain spread across it tied from one side to another providing no access for the onlookers to know whats going on in the balcony. As our usual ritual after an exam we bought a 1.5 liter bottle of ThumsUp and were drinking it sitting in the balcony. This time, however, it was different because today was the last exam and couple of days from today Afrah would be flying home. The thought of not being able to spend time with my probably the only close friend had made me very uncomfortable so i got up from my chair and sat partially on the edge of the balcony looking into the dark sky and the very little stars which appeared that night. A sigh left my body, a lump of pain formed in my throat and uninvited tears emerged in my eyes as I said ''Why do you have you go so soon?''. ''The tickets are already booked Shireen'' replied Afrah in a straight rough voice and at that moment I knew that it didn't matter much to her that she is going away because she knew she would be back soon in a couple of months. For me, I felt as if i am going to face an eternity of loneliness.

I turned my face in the other direction avoiding to look at her for she may see my tears. ''Can't you extend it for a week at least?'' I finally asked knowing the answer very well. ''No, I can't yaar, It's just couple of months'' replied afrah somewhat sympathetically. She got up from her chair and walked towards me, She noticed the tears that had formed in my eyes and said ''I will be online and we can chat, it won't be so bad''. Little did she know. ''Yeah sure, But I am going to miss you'' i replied hopelessly. ''Don't get so emotional yaar'' Afrah said and then I realized I am indeed too emotional. I must be more realistic, practical and emotionless like Afrah.

Alhamdulillah, after 3 years of friendship Afrah had changed in a way I could never think she could. In the 3rd year, Afrah's cousin sister was getting married and both of us were either busy with shopping or picking up clothes or ensuring that nothing's missing. It seemed as if my cousin sister was getting married and to be honest even if she was I would not work even this much in it. Afrah and I were coming back home from a boutique while walking towards the gate of her house and she said the wonderful words which still make me smile in the most difficult times ''Shireen its like we are not even friends any longer, *i took a gasp* Its like we are sisters man!''