Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I feel terrible when i disappoint somebody I love and I am sure everybody else does too. Because you love them and c'mon you don't want to upset anyone you love right? You love them, because they care for you, because they are mostly there to listen to you, they even have the power to hurt you yet you take the risk and still love them, they expect sometimes few things from you just like any other human being and then! you do something which you know is going to disappoint that person and you do it anyway, they would lose faith in you because they thought so highly of you.

Guilt is a funny thing, the more you love somebody the more you feel guilty about hurting them.

So today, I thought to myself about the number of times that I have disappointed people. It was a plenty number but most of them may not even know about it. Then, came the thought to my mind while i was in prostration during prayer about the infinite number of times that I have disappointed my creator, my God, Allah swt.. The one who gave me life, nurtured me,always listened to me, blessed me despite my ungrateful behavior, kept me healthy, gave me a family, food, shelter. Basically the One who gave me my life and everything else in it.

What did He expect of me? Well, nothing. Why? Because He is self-sufficient by himself does not need anything. But he gave me certain restrictions for my own good, some boundaries (like any caring parent would give), and he asked me to ''Enjoin good and forbid Evil''

But Rebellion is a strong desire, people give in to it very easily. For people who have weak faith.

How guilty do you feel? Enough to pray 2 raka'a in the middle of the night asking for forgiveness? Enough to cry abundantly? Enough to try to fight every wrong whim? Enough to remember Him throughout the day and seek his forgiveness? and I ask these questions to myself before anybody esle.

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